a bit of a mislead...

It was brought to my attention by a couple of people that the title of my last post "expanding family" seemed to initially imply that we had an announcement that we were indeed expanding our family in some way.  I think it really shows just how far off the idea of another kid in this family is for me when the thought that the title might mean something different for most people reading it never even occurred to me!  To me, the idea of expanding family was more about how in our minds and in Sasha's mind the idea of family is always evolving and cannot be contained in a tidy, little box.  But I can now see that most people would immediately think something different. 

So here is the deal on that:  not any time soon.  It seems that the older Alexis gets, the harder it gets.  She is working so hard to become her own little person that now she doesn't just go with my flow, she wants to create her own.  And we all know Sasha has been creating her very own flow for quite some time!  It seems like every day is a series of little choices that I have to make about how to be a mom to them, and be a wife and daughter and sister and friend and how to do my (paid) job and generally take care of everything that needs to be taken care of.  And there are many moments where I feel like I make the wrong choices and things go haywire.  And I lose my patience and I get tired and crabby and feel like I'm terrible at this and the thought occurs to me "How could I ever add a third to this craziness?  I can't even do two well!"   Because at least once every day I think that I just might not have the stamina.  And my main focus right now is doing a good job taking care of the specialness that is Sasha and Alexis and I think that would suffer if I were to add in the specialness of a new child.  So that is why there are no immediate plans to add more.  BUT...Nate and I always wanted a big brood and so we do have some fuzzy, in the future when we are ready plans to add some kids.  As for now though, unless a baby lands on my doorstep, we are staying a family of four.

Comments

[Hazel]

a wonderful family of four you are! and just for the record, i can't even fathom the idea of TWO kids right now! :)

[kristin]

it was the first thing i thought- but really liked how your post made my mind expand to the idea of expanding families. one of my friends is a daughter of two only children. she has several "aunts" and "uncles" and they are just the definition of that in her life. i thought about that and am excited that it can be viewed in another capacity.

as for more children- i hear you. though we are a crazy bunch in ohio now :) (and adding to our brood even now...)

[Kelly]

I have no doubt that you're doing a GREAT job with 2! BUT, I understand and appreciate these feelings and love that you're real about it :) You work very hard and I hope you give yourself credit!