bye bye colorblind parenting (hopefully!)

Yesterday we got a little more proof that the colorblind approach to parenting has got to go.  (Not that we needed any, right?)  What is the colorblind approach, you ask?  It is when parents teach their kids that there are no racial or ethnic differences in people.  That color doesn't matter.  That in fact, they don't even SEE color.  It is when a parent is too afraid to point out that their kids or other kids (or adults for that matter) are people of color.  When a parent teaches their white child that it isn't okay to say the word "black" when describing someone, who is, by the way, black.   I observed this most recently a couple weeks ago at a park with a friend.  Another mom made a big deal saying how she tells her kids not to point out another child's race; as if it is a bad thing.  And yes, this mom was aware that she was saying this to two other moms with black kids. 

Well, hopefully we can all see the problem with this strategy...not only is it plain silly because racial differences are obvious, but when you don't allow your kids to use the word "black" (or Asian, or Latino, etc.) you are teaching the kids that there is something wrong with being black, or Asian or Latino.  You are teaching kids to be afraid of, or disdain difference, rather than celebrate  how cool it is that we aren't all homogenous.  Anyway, a new study has come out that shows that the colorblind approach can actually lead people to ignore racial discrimination.  You can read it here.  And if you want another real life example of the dangers of colorblind parenting, read this.  I will echo what Kristen says...parents everywhere should be talking to their kids about race and racism.  This isn't just for people of color, or people parenting children of color.  If we don't ALL talk openly with our kids, it will be the kids of color who suffer.

Comments

[Lori]

Hi Heidi, I will have to check out those links. I haven't really ever read anything about colorblind parenting...but, can agree it can't lead anywhere good. I do think that some consideration needs to be taken into account for multiracial children. I have a book by Donna Jackson Nakazawa that discusses how labeling multiracial children and telling them how society should view them may be harmful to a child's developing self-concept. She talks about keeping the racial identity "fluid". Basically, she says that this fluidity can be healhty for biracial youth to sometimes describe themselves as only one of their races. That children who are pressured to "pass" as monoracial (present themselves as being only one racial background when they are multiracial) cannot emerge successfully from the critical task of developing an authentic self-concept. There is lots of other good stuff in her book too. So for these reasons (and from my husband's exeriences) I try not to label my children. We talk about skin color and the unique differences that we all have. I am sure my children have heard Sean referred to as black, as that is how he identifies himself. However, I would like my girls to be able to decide their racial affiliation...even if that identity changes over time. I could lend you the book if you want to read it. I would also love to chat about this sometime....I don't have many to share my experiences with!

[Heidi]

I would like to see that book Lori! And I agree that all aspects of a child's racial heritage should be acknowledged. A child won't be able to develop a strong racial/ethnic identity if one part of their heritage is always emphasized and another is minimized. Unfortunately, society often picks the racial category that a child mostly resembles and labels the child way before they do it themselves.

[Kelly]

I read this (and the links) this morning and it's affected my parenting all day, and will continue to. Thanks for preventing complacency in our family!

[Heidi]

Yay Kelly! :)

[Kelly]

Have to share this specific story, Heidi. Watching Cara and another little girl, Lexi, play with the dollhouse and multicultural dolls at our local library, I did a little test. We'd never met Lexi before, but found out during introductions that she is 3 years old. When she lost the doll she had been playing with and her and her father couldn't find it, I asked "What color was your doll's skin?" She looked at me with a blank expression and raised her shoulders. Her father, quickly enough that it showed his discomfort with my question, said, "Well, what color was her hair? What color was her shirt?" Interesting, don't you think?

[Heidi]

That is a perfect example of what I'm talking about. That little girl had no clue how to answer a simple question, and even worse, the dad showed so much discomfort that the girl will pick up on it. Think of that impact!

[Lindsay]

Heidi, I so wish you were in GR so we could discuss these things more frequently. And, I think you would love this play: http://therapidian.org/lines-lived-experience-race. If you get the chance, hop on up to see it before it closes.

[Cindy Willey]

Heidi,
Thanks so much for the link, Rage Against The Minivan will be added to my reader. I blame you and you alone for my growing blog addiction!

In this case, it was not just a random way for me to spend nap time. I read the links and will take these thoughts with me on my parenting journey. I also read Nurture Shock which was great.
Thanks for the food for thought. It is so interesting, having worked so many years with children and adults with illness and disabilities, I have often rehearsed how I would address questions related to people in wheelchairs, without limbs, people who are hearing impaired etc but I have not spend nearly as much time and energy thinking about parenting issues related to people of a different race. Perhaps my parents focused too much on being colorblind? Thanks for the great blog and the great links. Kiss those beautiful babies for me!
Cindy

[Cindy Willey]

PS: Nap time just came to a rapid end, please forgive the spelling and grammatical errors! My grandmother is rolling over in her grave!
Cindy